NEWSLETTER
In the bottom of the third inning of yesterday’s All-Star Game, Ben Zobrist stepped up to the plate with one out and a man on first. He hit a routine grounder to AL shortstop Xander Bogaerts, who quickly looked to second to turn two. There to receive the ball was the four-time All-Star second baseman Jose Altuve. Barreling down the line from first was the NL outfielder Carlos Gonzalez and his new lime green shoes.
Now, you may not know this, but CarGo actually owns a lime-green-only baseball cleat factory (no he doesn’t). It’s located in Williamsport, Pennsylvania (no it’s not), and it’s run by a sweet elderly couple by names of Helen and Morty Finkleberg (those are not real people). Due to low sales of lime green cleats (again, no), the factory has fallen on hard times. So Cargo has taken it upon himself to sell Helen and Morty’s shoes on the road, showing them off along the way. Don’t believe me (you shouldn’t)? Look at the hard sell he put on Altuve after his slide into second base:
Sure, they come in a size 6!
After Altuve saw the cleats (how could he miss them, they were right in his face) he immediately agreed to purchase 20 pairs on the spot. Gonzalez, overcome with joy, punched Altuve in the gut a few times, ran back to the dugout and paged Helen and Morty to tell them the good news. Needless to say, they were thrilled. What an event.
